Title: "Clay's 25th Birthday" (as named by KevinR)

(Ficlet written in honor of Clay Aiken's 25th birthday.

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FatJoey's Fantasy Scene: Ryan and Simon are sharing a bottle of particularly good Merlot.

Ryan: It's Clay's birthday today. What do you think he got for a present?

Simon: What did he get, or what did he want?

Ryan: Huh?

Simon: What didn't you understand?

Ryan: I was talking about Clay's birthday. I figure he finally got laid. He's like 25 or 26 years old now, so it's time to give up the virginity thing. What do you think?

Simon: I think he probably didn't really want to, but I agree. He got laid.

Ryan: So who?

Simon: Who what?

Ryan: Huh?

Simon: Having a simple talk with you is like trying to converse with an alien. I need some kind of interpreter.

Ryan: Looks who's talking! Well, I figure it was Ruben. Even though most people on line figure it was me.

Simon: You! You've got to be kidding.

Ryan: No. I'm not kidding. Clay and I are a big on-line item.

Simon: That's pathetic. But the idea of Ruben and Clay is almost as hard to believe.

Ryan: No. I've seen them backstage together a lot. There's definitely something going on. And they go everywhere together now. I think it's time for Ruben to take pity on Clay.

Simon: If Ruben tried, Clay wouldn't get laid, he'd get crushed! How in hell would it ever work?

Ryan: Y'know, Simon. These things work, even when you don't think they will. Um . . . haven't you learned that yet?

Simon: Well, I hope Ruben doesn't over-exert himself. The man is hardly in shape for anything too strenuous.

Ryan: All he'd have to do is wrap one of those meaty paws around Clay's johnson, and it would be all over. Clay would die and think he'd gone to heaven.

Simon: I prefer not to picture that.

Ryan: C'mon, Simon. It's kinda hot. Just close your eyes and think about it. Ruben picks Clay up in a big bear hug. He squeezes him tight and lays a big kiss on Clay's face. Clay can't even breathe.

Simon: Clay and Ruben snogging? I can almost see it.

Ryan: Imagine the surprise in Clay's eyes when he gets a feel of Ruben's crotch-rocket for the first time! You know he's got to be impressed.

Simon: Or frightened.

Ryan: Oh, he'll be a little scared when he finally comes for the first time. No doubt about it! But Ruben will rock him in those big arms and croon in that soulful way of his and Clay will be just fine. It's about time it happened!

Simon: My! You certainly tell a nice story. Too bad it's just our little fantasy. Want some more wine?

Ryan: Sure.

Simon: Cheers, darling.

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Epilogue: Clay's cell phone rings.

Clay: Hey there . . . oh, hey . . . hello. Uh, thanks. I appreciate that. Yeah, he's here . . . I'll tell him. Thanks again!

Ruben: Who was that?

Clay: It was Ryan Seacrest. He wanted to wish me a happy birthday. And he said he wanted to be sure you were here.

Ruben: Really? I wonder why.

Clay: Who knows? I sure am glad you're here, though.

Ruben: Me, too, man. Me, too. Happy birthday, baby.

The End?