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Title: "Let Me Be Worthy"--Part Two (2/WIP)
Author: Czar Nikky (NK, Nikky)
Feedback: If you like it, please tell me. If you don't like it, please, please tell me. I can't improve the work or continue the good junk without your input...
Email address: (Feedback at this list is always fine--I'm not thin-skinned about my writing. Tell me what's bugging you about my writing and I'll grin and ask for more! But don't skip feedback if you're shy--please do send it to my personal email.)
Pairing: Brian Littrell/Kevin Richardson, Nick Carter/Kevin Richardson, Nick Carter/Brian Littrell (you'll just have to see!)
Fandom: RPS--boy band (BSB)
Date: February 4, 2001
Disclaimer: I understand Real People Slash offends many people. I'm sorry if you are one of them, as I don't mean offense to anyone. These people are real and have lives I know nothing about. But this is fiction--and in here these folks are characters in a story--so this is meant to be enjoyed only as fiction. I admire the BSB and their families, friends and fans. I earn no profit from this fiction.
Category: RPS (Real People Slash)--m/m (yes, same gender love/sex is included in this fanfic)
Archive: Please ask (I'll probably say yes).
Hosted at: Kindly hosted by KevinR at... Boy Band Fic
(Thanks, Kevin! I love the website and you!)
My website: http://www.nk-seashore.com
Series: Yeah... a true WIP (I'll finish it someday!)
Warnings: Slash isn't for everyone. If you're offended by same gender involvements please don't read this.
Summary: Nick Carter comes of age. And he begins to come to terms with the marriage of his best friend--and Brian's newest love interest.
Beta: Sorry--didn't get this betaed! (I shoulda, but I'll be better in my next post...)

^^^^^

It was still night when Nick Carter was awakened by having his arm gently prodded. He was now lying on his side facing away from the sofa back and into the room.

"Frack?" Brian Littrell whispered into his ear. Nick hadn't heard this old, familiar nickname in quite some time--it seemed comforting, somehow.

Nick had tossed off his covering in his sleep and suddenly felt a bit chilled. He moved instinctively closer to the warmth of Brian's body.

Brian was kneeling on the floor next to the sofa--his face only inches away from Nick's own.

Nick yawned and smiled at Brian, blinking the sleep from his eyes. "What's up?" he asked, running one hand through his mussed hair.

Brian grinned at him. "You've been sleepin'--but I want you to come to bed. It's not comfortable for you here. You're too tall for this little ole couch. Look how you've got your legs all bunched up."

Nick's knees were, indeed, bent and pulled up toward his stomach. They felt slightly cramped. He stretched them out one at a time and shifted to a sitting position. Brian promptly rose and sat beside him, tossing one arm around his shoulders.

And then Nick remembered. Remembered listening to Brian and his cousin Kevin Richardson necking--or something--in the adjoining bedroom. Lying on this very sofa feigning sleep--eyes closed--while Brian and Kevin kissed right next to him...

Nick's smile faded--but he reminded himself of his determination to be worthy of Brian's friendship.

"I'm not all that tired," he said, a yawn belying his words. He wasn't quite ready to spend another night lying next to Brian in bed.

And why wasn't Brian with Kevin this very minute?

Brian gave him a small punch in the arm, his smile broader than before. "Come on, Nick. You're dead tired. Let's go to bed, guy."

Brian stood up and reached down for Nick's hand. Nick moved his hand before Brian could take it and rose quickly to his feet. He wasn't sure he was ready to have Brian holding his hand--even if only for an instant.

They stood together for a brief moment, and Brian appeared to be studying him. Nick turned on his heel and headed toward the bedroom.

"No!" Brian whispered loudly. "Kevin's asleep in there. Let's take the other room."

Brian moved to his side and nodded toward the door across the room. Nick gave a brief nod in reply and walked in the opposite direction.

Nick reached the door and opened it, snapping on the light. The room had bags and other paraphernalia lying around--but there were no occupants. Nick moved to the closest bed and yanked back the spread. He then kicked off his shoes and slid quickly out of his pants, not watching what Brian was doing.

Nick stood in boxers, socks and shirt debating whether or not to take off the tee which stank of sweat and was not all that soft. He decided against it, remembering that his comfortable shirt was in the other bedroom. He didn't really like the idea of being half-dressed while alone in the room with Brian.

Brian walked in front of him and moved opposite the bed to Nick. The second bed was ignored. Nick saw that Brian was already dressed in pj bottoms and an oversized t-shirt. He'd only half-noticed Brian's attire before this. He'd been focusing on watching Brian's face, he realized.

Brian slipped under the covers and was lying staring up at him--a smile still covering his face from ear to ear. Brian had the most infectious smile Nick could ever recall seeing on anyone.

Nick turned his back to Brian and sat on the edge of the bed while he yanked off his socks. He wished he could think of a way to climb into the other bed, but from the expression on Brian's face he knew Bri expected him to get into bed with him. Short of telling all, Nick couldn't think of a single valid excuse to use to avoid sharing this bed.

Nick moved to snap off the light, glad to be able to spend a few seconds in the darkness while he cautiously felt his way back to the bed. The he pulled back the sheet and blanket and crawled in beside Brian. Immediately Brian pushed his body tight against Nick.

Nick was struck by how hot Brian's body felt. This often seemed to be true. Brian had once told him that he had a tendency to run low-grade fevers. He'd said it was nothing to be concerned about. Apparently more than one doctor had told Brian it was his body's way of fighting off germs--or so he'd told Nick.

Sometimes this heat felt so good it was incredible. And after his recent chill, Nick couldn't keep himself from snuggling backward into Brian's heat. They spooned tightly--and Brian's arm came up around Nick. Nick could feel himself starting to drift back to sleep almost at once.

"Nicky?" Brian was saying into the back of Nick's neck.

"Mmmm?" Nick answered, not willing to form words.

"I wanna tell you something important. Share somethin' with you," Brian continued, his hand reaching for and holding one of Nick's own.

"...'kay," Nick managed, wondering how he'd deal with the revelation in person. All good intentions aside, it would be hard to have to listen to Brian telling him that he and Kevin were now lovers.

Nick laid as still as he could and began to breath deeply. The sooner Brian assumed he was sleeping the better. Maybe he could delay the inevitiable. It hadn't sounded like Brian wanted to tell him this minute, anyway. It had appeared to be a prelude to Brian's future revelations.

Nick waited--forcing himself not to be tense. Suddenly he heard Brian snoring softly, and he knew he'd passed this small crisis.

Nick tried to shift away from Brian--but Brian's arms automatically reached out to stop him. Nick was used to this battle. He knew if he struggled out of Brian's embrace that Brian would wake and ask him what was wrong. It must have happened a million times in the past. Brian pretty much slept the same way with anyone he bedded with. Nick imagined Leighanne was used to this, too.

Maybe his wife didn't mind being wrapped in hot arms and held against a feverish body--but there had been nights when Nick had been unable to sleep for sweating or had awakened several times in the night from nightmares brought on by being overheated. It wasn't always unpleasant to be inside Brian's embrace--Nick had certainly loved the experience many times. But there were nights when he'd simply had to find a way to slip away.

It was a matter of timing and gentle movements. Wait and listen to Brian's breathing--wait and wait. Then slip away slowly--tiny bit by tiny bit until Brian's arms would loosen naturally and he'd finally be released.

Nick carried out this strategy and was finally freed and lying on the far side of the bed, almost clinging to the very edge. The blankets had moved off Nick's shoulders and the cool air of the room caressed his arms and moved under and around him. On the other side of the bed Nick could hear Brian's deep breathing and occasional soft snores. His friend was tired and sleeping soundly--thankfully.

Lying next to Brian--still wanting his friend and feeling such a strong connection in spite of his good intentions--Nick found he now had an erection to deal with. What to do? If he got up it might wake Brian. If he tried to 'take care' of the problem, it might wake Brian. The second possibility was certainly the more unpleasant choice--so Nick decided he'd head for the bathroom and give himself the necessary relief.

Nick listened--straining his ears and trying to reach out his senses. It sounded as if Brian were soundly sleeping--but he'd been deceived by this in the past. Nick waited, barely breathing. Then he slipped his feet out from under the blankets and toward the floor--shifting his body to sit up.

The bed moved under his weight. Nick could hear Brian's breathing change. He paused and held his position--muscles aching from the awkward pose.

Nick forced himself to breath deeply as if in slumber, continuing to listen for Brian's own sounds.

As Brian began to snore again, Nick quickly pressed his feet to the carpeted floor--lighting tossing the blankets back and away from him. Brian remained asleep--and now Nick simply needed to navigate the dark room and he would be free...

Or--he would have been free--if the door to the room had suddenly opened, admitting a swatch of light from the adjoining suite-proper.

Nick shot a glance at the doorway--but he already knew what he'd find. Beautifully framed and ruggedly handsome in his sleep-mussed state stood Kevin. The light glowed around his lean, muscled body which was clad only in boxer-briefs.

Nick couldn't keep his eyes from shooting down to see if his excitement would be obvious to Kevin. As he looked up, cheeks flaming with embarrassment--knowing his erection was readily apparent--he realized that this action had drawn Kevin's gaze to follow his own. Stupid. Kevin was now looking directly at Nick's penis, which was jutting out and up in his shorts. Nick saw that Kevin's expression had gone sharper somehow. He saw Kevin lick his lips.

Then Kevin looked into Nick's blushing face and their eyes locked. Nick wanted to dash to the bathroom and away from Kevin's scrutiny, but he seemed paralyzed. They stood staring into each other's eyes as Brian slept calmly near Nick.

Finally Kevin crooked a finger at Nick, nodding toward the room behind him.

Nick forced himself to offer a brief nod. It seemed fruitless to fight Kevin at this point. He might as well see what Kevin had to say to him.

Nick moved his feet with care as he walked to the doorway and past Kevin. He was still concerned with waking Brian. Kevin's hand reached out and lightly brushed Nick's arm as he passed the man. Nick could feel immediate goose flesh covering the point of contact and running up to his shoulder.

Once they were both in the room, Nick turned to watch Kevin gently shutting the door behind him. The room was dimly lit by only two lamps and glowed the soft yellow Nick equated with hotel rooms--which always seemed to have low-wattage lights and few of these.

Kevin gestured to the faithful sofa, and Nick moved to sit down--pressing both hands into his lap where they pushed down hard in the attempt to cover his 'embarrassment.'

Kevin walked slowly to his side and sat beside him.

"Do you want to talk, Nick? Or do you just want to take care of that?" Kevin asked softly. The sound of his deep, sexy drawl made Nick's penis jump under the knot formed by his linked hands.

Nick could feel his own eyes widening. He felt like a deer caught in the crosshairs of a rifle. What to do? What to say? He licked his lips and longed to run his hand through his hair--a nervous gesture. But his hands weren't 'free' for such a trivial activity. His hands were busy keeping him from dying under Kevin's green-eyed stare.

Kevin shifted closer. Nick forced himself to sit still, though he longed to shift further away from Kevin. Nick could suddenly feel sweat running through his hair and beading on his chest and back and in his arm pits. "I...," he started, surprised as his voice cracked, "I just want to use the bathroom, Kevin." That said, he started to rise to his feet.

Kevin moved forward and firmly grasped one of Nick's arms. "Let me help you, Nicky," he said. His voice was warm and simple--but his words seemed to have a note of pleading. It was at this very second that Nick realized his recent distant behavior toward Kevin had *hurt* his friend.

Nick looked into Kevin's eyes and was startled to see tears standing in them, threatening to spill. Geez, Kevin never cried! It gave Nick a sharp pain that tingled in the palm of both his hands to see Kevin hurt to the point of tears. And he had done that--he had been the one to hurt Kevin so deeply.

"Kevin. God. I'm so sorry about the way I've been." Nick didn't consider, he just leaned forward and let his arms go up around Kevin in a strong hug.

Kevin gave a small sob as his arms circled Nick. Then they were rocking each other, their faces pressed to one another's shoulders.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Nick repeated the litany over and over, gulping back his own tears.

Kevin's voice was husky when he answered. "I know. I'm sorry, too. I knew you were hurt, Nick. I just didn't know how to make it right for you. I just didn't know what to do. I'm so very sorry I let you down that way."

Nick could feel Kevin was fighting sobbing and felt an overwhelming urge to be the 'protector' of his friend. This was a feeling he didn't recall ever feeling before this moment. It made Nick feel so strong. It made him feel like a man.

"This is all my fault, Kevin. You didn't let me down. Really. Please don't be upset. I never wanted to hurt you."

Kevin's breathing seemed to ease, and the slight trembling of Kevin's body passed. Nick sighed deeply and Kevin sighed in instant response. Their rocking continued, but was less frenzied than before. It had become a slow, gentle shift of weight--body to body.

Kevin seemed to go limp in Nick's arms--letting Nick support his body. Nick was surprised but very pleased. Kevin worked so hard all the time at being the 'strong' one that he rarely let any of them be strong with him. Nick was both touched and honored that Kevin would trust him enough to let himself go. Especially in light of Nick's self-acknowledged unworthiness...

"Hush, Kev. It's okay now. Everything is fine."

Kevin gave a shuddering sigh before speaking. "You've been hurting all these months. Did you think I didn't know, Nick?" Kevin lifted his head so they could look into one another's faces.

"No. I knew you knew something was bothering me--but not the way I hurt. I mean, we've been avoiding each other. But I didn't think anybody knew I hurt like I did. It was stupid of me." Nick's voice was small--he felt like a bad little boy who had disappointed his daddy.

Kevin's hands came up and rested on both of Nick's shoulders. "No. It wasn't stupid. I guess I didn't find a way to show you, Nicky. And I sure should have." Kevin's drawl was heavier as he spoke, and the sound caused a shiver to run unexpectedly up Nick's spine.

Kevin glanced pointedly at Nick's crotch. "Guess I kinda killed that," he said, a small grin lighting his features.

Nick grinned back, glad for the lightness in Kevin's tone. "Yeah, well I was looking for a way to get rid of the darned thing."

They both laughed and their moods lifted.

"Nick? I really did want to give you some help with it," Kevin said simply.

Nick felt himself blushing. "I know, Kevin. I just don't know how I should feel about that."

Kevin kneaded one of Nick's shoulders. "I think you should just feel, Nick. Sometimes we can think about things way too much. And believe me, Nick. I know what I'm talking about."

Nick thought it over as Kevin continued to work his fingers into the flesh of his shoulder. Just feel. Let his body feel what Kevin was doing. And don't think about the meaning behind it. Could he do that? Nick sighed and closed his eyes.

Kevin leaned in and kissed Nick--a full kiss directly on Nick's mouth. Nick didn't pull back or fight him. Instead, he let himself return Kevin's kiss. It felt good. It felt right.

Nick thought only about Kevin. He didn't let his thoughts stray. This wasn't about hurting anyone or doing anything wrong. It was about Kevin and it was about him. It was about doing something that felt very good and very natural.

Kevin's hand moved from Nick's shoulder to his neck. The fingers were both prodding and soothing. Nick could feel himself shivering. Feel the hair on the back of his neck rising. And his erection was beginning to rise again, too.

Kevin pulled his mouth away and traced his lips--with just a tiny touch of his pointed tongue--across Nick's cheek and down to Nick's neck. The hand at the other side of Nick's neck held him close as Kevin began to suck, nip and lap at the sensitive skin. Nick groaned softly and shifted his body toward Kevin's.

Suddenly Kevin pulled away. Nick opened his eyes and saw that Kevin was staring into his face.

"I think it's time to take this activity to bed, Nick." Kevin rose and stood waiting. Nick now saw that Kevin's erection was shoving against the waistband of his shorts. It looked both heavily full and painful.

Nick nodded and rose. As he turned toward the bedroom where he had earlier heard his two friends together, Nick felt a hand give him a gentle shove.

"Hurry it up. I really need to get naked," Kevin said in a breathy voice.

Nick swallowed and felt his penis leap. They moved to the bedroom with desire-driven haste.

-the end part two-

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